Exploring Your Self

Every adult has had some traumas. They could be large or small, many or few, but as we come into adulthood, the experiences in our lives teach us about ourselves and the world around us. After a while our experiences and reactions often no longer provoke thought and learning, they simply exist and for better or for worse, partially define who we are in any given moment.

For instance, say there is a coworker or a family member who is rude to you, or says something hurtful. Generally speaking, if you are comfortable with yourself and at peace, it will not bother you. As a result, you may ignore it, or you may say something nice to help the person get into a better mood.

But if you were abused as a kid, or if you’re having troubles at home, something like a coworker’s rudeness can really get under your skin. Unfortunately, anger, like enthusiasm, is contagious. As are all emotions, such as love, understanding and peace. No one is an island, no matter how much time you spend thinking you are alone.

So, generally speaking, the order of things is as follows: First there is your state of mind, then something happens to you (remember here that it could be good, or bad). Next in line is your “gut” reaction to it, you think about it (hopefully) and then comes your response.

With the likelihood that the Zen Stick™ helps keep you in a peaceful state of mind, and acknowledging that you have very little control over how other people treat you (all you can really do in this area is make it a priority to try to surround yourself with loving, supportive people), your “gut” reaction will tell you if what has happened is good, or bad. Your “gut” reaction will usually tell you the truth, so listen to it.

That being said, many therapists and counselors deal with changing or maturing your perception of a situation, and help you change your response to it so that your response is wiser, more mature and compassionate.

“I believe that part of the problem is communication. How do you explain how you feel when you don’t have the words to use? How can someone else understand you when you don’t have the words to be understood?”

Below is a link to a printable list of over 300 words that describe emotions. If you have a tough time expressing yourself verbally, print out this list and use it when you know you feel something, but are unsure of what words to use to describe it. The better you can express yourself, the better other people can understand you, and the more positive the outcome of any given situation can be.

Click here for the List

The Feeling Wheel

Now that you have a list of words to describe your feelings, check out The Feeling Wheel.  The wheel describes a vast array of emotions.  To use The Feeling Wheel, start from the center circle and work your way to the outer circle.  This will help identify and define your feelings.  Once you've gotten to the outer circle and have defined what you are feeling, go to its opposite on the other side of the wheel.

Once you've found the pleasant emotion to counter the difficult one, you can begin thinking of things to do that will create that pleasant emotion within yourself. For example, the opposite of Inferior is Amused. You might ask yourself, "What would amuse me right now? What would make me laugh?" All there is left to do is to make a list of those things that would make you laugh. Chances are by making a list, you'll start to feel better, but it's important to go and do something on that list.

Click here for a printer friendly version of The Feeling Wheel

Some of the finer points you should know:  1. By making a list you are helping yourself and that alone will make you feel better.  Following through with it is just as important.  Thoughts and feelings come and go, but when you do something to help yourself, that wonderful feeling stays with you.  2.  As you make your list, be sure that the things on your list feel right from the inside out.  Listen to your instincts, if something feels uncomfortable, hurtful or wrong for some reason, then take it off the list.  On the other hand, feeling a little uncomfortable can be healing (like peroxide on a cut), so there's a fine line you'll begin to recognize once you get into the habit of doing this. 

By using the methods offered by the Zen Stick and this website, by being focused and confident, you can begin to make your dreams come true.  It takes work, but the freedom and happiness are well worth the effort.

“The bottom line here is to be happy and to have the faith and courage to do whatever it takes to get there. Hold on to your dreams and don’t ever give up hope that things can get better.”

“Some people I have spoken with have been so full of despair that they consider suicide. They think they are worthless, useless, they are in constant emotional and/or physical pain, and believe that suicide would end all that. Along with those feelings, they feel that they are nothing but trouble to their friends and families and that everyone would be better off without them. My question to them is simple and it stays with them forever: What if you’re wrong?”

In the end, no matter the level of your traumas, never give up trying to make your life work for you, keep finding ways to be happy and count your blessings. If you feel you have no blessings, then create them. If you feel you haven‘t experienced any trauma at all, then you are extraordinarily blessed and perhaps you can offer your strength to help those who suffer.

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There is a book called The Healing Power of Anger that is beginning to catch the nation's attention. Go to Dr. John Rifkin's website to find out more!
www.emotionalsuccess.com

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